Single Mother Talk

Last autumn when Manuela Maier signed her children up for an all-day school program in Germany and went back to work, she was "ostracized" by everyone in town.  They called her a "Rabenmutter, or raven mother, after the black bird that pushes chicks out of the nest."  (I guess that's the opposite of a "helicopter parent.")

For over 250 years, school for German children has ended at lunchtime.  This of course required a parent at home to care for them.  As opposed to America, for example, where all-day (or most-day) schooling is the norm, and both parents can take jobs outside the home.  A single mother in Germany is in big trouble, unable to accept full-time employment because she has to be home when the kids get out of school at noon.
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twilightHaving finally watched "Twilight," I have to shift my position slightly.  I went into "Twilight" prepared for a movie where the young female protagonist makes bad choices.  I can forgive bad choices, particularly when they're made by teenage girls.  That's what teenagers DO.  Read more

When you work full-time (or even part-time), it can be very difficult to incorporate activities that are both fun and educational into your main job—parenting. Sure, you might do a puzzle together while the pasta boils, or doodle together while you’re waiting on the phone with customer service, but planning really creative adventures can sometimes fall by the wayside.

Enter Fun with Mommy & Me. OK, I will be the first to admit that the title is a turnoff. Even though Mommy & Me is a nationally recognized program, this activity book is also great for dads—so fathers of the world, don’t write this one off! Though published eight years ago, this book is choc full of simple but creative, fun and educational activities for busy parents and their kids. I stumbled on it at the library and had to get a copy; there are many used, super cheap ones available. Read more

Whenever I come across an article like this I immediately get defensive, maybe it's my guilty conscience, or maybe it's that it spells out the obvious without offering any solution.

Sociologist Suzanne Bianchi of the University of Maryland is co-author of the study, which found that single mothers – most of whom do not have a post-secondary education – spent less quality time than do those who are married. Read more

I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving day with their families and loved ones.  I had a very quiet Thanksgiving Day, like one I've never had before.

I was unable to attend dinner at my familiy's because I was at home very sick with a bad cold.  For the first time this year I didn't have to argue or fight with my daughter's dad about who she was going to spend the holiday weekend with.  It was a no-brainer....with him.

It wasn't that bad being alone, I did miss the food but luckily my parents live close enough that they were able to put together some leftovers for me and bring them by.

For me, I guess the reason I sometimes dread this time of year is because it brings up the complications of having to split our time with our child.  It's a time when we get greedy about her, or at least I do.  This time of brings out the bitterness of having had split up, it brings out the fight in me, the feeling of entitlement about her.

But, either he's growing up, or maybe, possibly I am, this year I gave in without a fight.  I let him take her with him for the weekend so I could get better.  There were no fights, no ugly words, no scene.  Just quiet politeness.  For that, I am grateful. Read more

Do you want to say good-bye to the president?  My good friends at goodbye.us would like to collect as many letters from people who want to express their feelings and opinions about our out-going president.  We've all been affected in one way or another by W's policies and I know that as a single mother I have some choice words for that man...

So, if any of you want to participate in this project go to http://goodbye.us/

Nine years ago when her father and I split up, I was sure I was making the right choice.  My daughter was only eighteen months-old and I thought she would grow up thinking this was "normal."  I was twenty three and confident that I could do anything, including raising a child by myself.

Nine years later, here I am still going at it.  I've had my ups and I've had my downs, but I have never gone back to the relationship that changed my life forever.  The relationship that took so much from me, but that gave me a daughter.  The relationship that has taken me years to recover from, is far behind.  Her father, though, is not.  She goes with him every other weekend.  This has been the way for nine years.

So imagine my surprise when she asked me why we couldn't just get back together?

It wasn't the first time the question had come up, but this time I knew she meant it.  I could see it in her big brown eyes, that had swelled up with tears.  For the first time I realized I had been lying to myself all these years thinking that she had accepted our life as "normal."  At that moment, while the pasta boiled over(we were makong dinner together) it all hit me like a ton bricks.  All these yea Read more

That's me!  I am probably one of the messiest people I know.  It's not like I was brought up this way, my father is a neat freak and my mother has always been a fairly organized lady.  So why is it that I find it so difficult to clean up after myself and my ten year-old daughter?  You would think that after nine years of being on my own I would've figure it out, but alas, I am a total slob.  My apartment looks like a college dormitory with books scattered all over the place, clothes hanging from my painting easel, shoes in every door way, it's not a pretty sight.  But I do try once a week to get it together, only to see it all unravel again by Tuesday.  When I lived with my child's father I was expected to run a tight ship, he was very much like my father, a neat freak to the T.

I've wondered many times if this isn't my way of rebelling against both him and my father.  My father used to tell me when I was growing up that I lacked discipline.  Honestly, I think I just found chores to be boring.  I was a normal child who wanted to play outside, not have to wash the dishes and clean my room.

But this whole concept of discipline really bummed me out.  As an adult I find myself feelin Read more

What a trip this whole election has been! Read more

One of the most difficult decisions a single mother makes is whether or not she will re-marry.  For some, like myself, re-marrying isn't even in the horizon, since I'm still debating whether or not I want to start dating.  Ever since my split with my daughter's father nine years ago, I have been pondering if it's the right time to start dating yet. I have many friends who are also single mothers who don't give this question much thought- they just put themselves out there and have fun.  Why is this so hard for some women to do? Read more